When I was a child, I had two choices for my career. The first was to play center field for the New York Yankees. If that dream fell through, my second choice was to become a park ranger for a national park and spend my days in a ranger tower, scouting for forest fires. The first dream ended at college. The latter never materialized. My career, for the past thirty years, has been that of a groundskeeper, with a few odd jobs mixed in along the way. As I begin this endeavor (writing this book), I recently turned fifty and quit my latest job as an athletic field groundskeeper for a college in Virginia. Near my home here, there is a quiet, beautiful two-mile walk around a small lake. During these walks, my mind has begun to retrieve stories from my youth and professional life. The following pages are a look into my world and some of the crazy things that have shaped me into the person I am.